ENTRY 10: THE FIGHT

I’ve really come to appreciate this stupid laptop. Every day in this place feels like crazy town, and if I didn’t have a way to get it all out I think I’d lose my mind. So much happened today. The only way I can process it is to type it out.

The fucking alarm woke me up right in the middle of a vivid dream this morning. My dreams have been so clear and realistic lately that I’ve actually started looking forward to sleeping. I don’t remember most of them after I wake up, but last night I was hanging out with my dad fixing up his old car when I was a kid. It made me miss him for a second. 

After the annoying alarm, everything started off normal enough. We cleaned up, choked down the protein shakes, and got herded into the testing room. There’s only 13 of us now, so there’s always two empty chairs staring back at us. That shit spooks me now.

During the dose I stayed wide awake, as did Jeff and Chuck. We just sat there bullshitting to pass the time. Turns out Chuck has a pretty morbid sense of humor. First we all tried to guess what Rudy was in prison for and then we got into this long rant about food and how starving we all are.

“I’m so hungry I’d eat the ass out of a stray cat,” Chuck said.

Jeff laughed. “I’d Lady and the Tramp that cat with you from the front.”

Chuck grinned. “Careful, boy. By the time we met in the middle I’d keep going and chomp that pretty face of yours down to the skull.”

Jeff shot back, “I'm surprised you got my reference! I can’t imagine you watching Lady and the Tramp. How the hell does that happen?”

Chuck’s voice dropped. “Watched it with my daughter when she was still my little girl. She’s all grown up now and doesn’t talk to me. Hasn’t since the divorce.” He shifted in his restraints, suddenly irritated.

I was about to ask if anyone was feeling anything from the doses when Chester, who had been out cold like the rest of them, suddenly gasped. His eyes popped open and he started talking in this flat, creepy voice.

“You will not go out like that. You will stay with me. You will obey me. You will obey me. You will obey me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me me me me me me me meeeeeeeee.”

The machines went crazy, beeping like alarms. Then he just closed his eyes and slumped back down like nothing happened.

Me, Chuck, and Jeff all looked at each other.

“What the fuck was that?” Chuck whispered.

“I have no fucking clue,” I said. “Either he’s a control freak or had some seriously fucked up parents.”

“All the veins popped out in his face and neck. I could hear his teeth cracking,” Jeff added, looking freaked out.

I don’t know what the hell was in Chester’s head, but he didn’t wake up the same. Once everyone came to and were let out of the straps, Dr. Waters pulled Chester aside for some kind of checkup. He seemed to walk okay, but his eyes were bloodshot and he looked pissed off at the world. He kept raking those thin strands of hair over his head and staring at Dr. Waters like he wanted to kill him.

A few hours later we were all in the common room. I felt compelled to keep to myself and watch over everyone, especially Chester. I saw Randy sitting by himself in the corner, staring at the floor in his typical sour-ass mood. He’s been avoiding everyone for days, barely talking, just rubbing his temples and grumbling under his breath. I figured I’d try to check on him.

I walked over and sat down across from him. “Hey man, I need to know you're okay.”

Randy looked up slow, his eyes half-cracked like the light was causing him pain. “You once asked me if this drug was gonna fry our brains. Well, my fucking head’s rattling inside my skull. The doctors won’t give me shit to do anything about it.”

“Damn,” I muttered. “That sounds rough. You ever get headaches like  that before this?”

He was about to answer when I heard Chester’s voice cut through the room.

“You think you’re too good for me, bitch?”

I turned fast. Chester had Emily cornered near the bookshelf, leaning in way too close, a mean and ugly look on his face. Emily’s back was against the wall, her arms crossed tight over her chest and her face frozen in fear.

Randy’s head snapped toward them. His whole body went rigid.

Chester kept pressing the terrified girl. “Come on, Em, I know you want me. I’ve seen you looking at me. We belong together. You know we do—”

“Help! Get away from me!” Emily shouted, pushing the creep back.

Chester smacked her across the face and screamed, “You will obey me. woman!”

That was it.

Randy exploded off the chair like a goddamn linebacker. He charged across the room and slammed into Chester full force, knocking him into the bookshelf. Books flew everywhere. Chester swung wild and caught Randy in the jaw, but Randy didn’t even flinch. He grabbed Chester by the collar and started pounding him in the face.

“You piece of shit!” Randy roared. “You don’t ever fucking touch her!”

Chester tried to fight back, landing a couple hits to Randy’s ribs, but Randy was bigger and meaner. He slammed Chester into the wall again. The sound was sickening, like a burlap bag of bones being slammed into a concrete wall. Emily screamed. I jumped up and ran over, grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the way.

“Get back!” I yelled at her, shoving her behind me.

Randy had Chester on the ground now, fists hammering into his face nonstop. Blood was spraying from Chester’s nose. Dr. Roberts rushed in and grabbed Randy’s shoulder. Randy spun around quick, saw that it was Dr. Roberts, and lunged for him next. His face was plum red and his eyes were flaming with rage. He drove Dr. Roberts into and over the couch where Lynette and Amanda were sitting, causing both women to scream and flail out of the way.

“Fucking pervert!” Randy bellowed at him. “We know what you were gonna do! Jake saw you!”

Dr. Roberts, as tall and lanky as he is, got back on his feet lightning fast and rushed for the exit, with the fear of God in his enlarged eyes.

The whole room was chaos. Lynette was yelling for them to stop. Jeff and Kyle were trying to stop Randy from going back after Chester again. I kept Emily behind me, my heart hammering. Chester looked like death, face bloody, eyes half closed. Chuck decided to step in, picked the beaten man off the ground with one arm and threw him onto Rudy’s disgusting chair.

Then the security guys burst in with Dr. Waters and some orderlies. They tackled Randy, one of them jamming a needle into his neck. Randy went limp in seconds, still snarling. They dragged Chester out of the chair and onto a stretcher, blood dripping all over the carpet the whole way.

The room went dead quiet except for Emily breathing hard behind me.

And then the wildest fucking part was Ben. He came skipping in from the dorm hallway completely naked, singing some weird song about socks. “Two dirty socks, oh my, oh me, got to clean ‘em off with Clorox bleach!” He just skipped around the room smiling and laughing while we all stared at him in disbelief. No doctors or security were in the room at that point, or they would’ve dragged his ass out too. The red-headed weirdo skipped right back to his room like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Emily tore off towards the dorm rooms. As I was heading after her, Walter stepped right in my path and said, “Jacob, halt!”

I was about to push him out of the way because at this point I’m just not interested in any more crazy shit, but he put his hand up and gave me this pleading look.

“Jake, we have to talk.”

“I really can’t right now, Walt. I gotta go check on Emily and make sure she’s okay,” I said, ready to push past him.

He called over to Amanda. She came toward him with a confused look on her face.

“Um… yes?” Amanda said, looking at Walter, then at me. I just shrugged.

“Would you be a kind dear and go check on Emily? I need to speak to Jake,” he asked her, then looked back at me.

Amanda raised her eyebrows and headed off toward the dorms.

“What the hell is this about?” I demanded. Truth is, I really wanted to talk to Emily. I wanted to comfort her if I could.

Walter didn’t answer right away. He just stood there looking at me with those big fucking eyes behind the glasses, but he didn't look crazy. He just looked tired and sort of sad. Like an old geezer who’d seen too much shit in his life and didn’t want to see any more. I've played the tables with men like Walter, guys who'd throw in the last of their chips, knowing they had the losing hand.

“During the dosing today,” he said quietly, “I had a very intense dream. Not a typical dream, mind you, but rather, a message. It was sent. I have been shown, young man, that there’s a darkness growing in one of us. It’s getting stronger every day. I saw pain coming. A lot of it. Blood on the floors, the walls, and a great cloud of sorrow. I don’t know who yet, but it’s real. And it’s close.”

I stared at him. “Why are you telling me?” But in my head, I thought of Chester, maybe Randy, and definitely Rudy. Where was that creepy fuck anyway?

Walter gave me a small, worn-out smile. “Because you can see things others don’t, son. And something tells me you might be the only one who can stand in the way when it finally breaks loose.”

​He patted my shoulder once, gentle, then walked away without another word, leaving me standing there in deep thought.

What a fucked-up day. Randy losing his mind... Chester losing his mind... and then getting his face caved in. Dr. Roberts getting called out for the perv he is and now Walter hitting me with this dream bullshit like I’m supposed to save the world or something.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore. I feel like I need to see Emily still, but last I checked with Amanda, she’s sleeping it off and it’s fucking late now anyway. Tomorrow I guess. Hopefully Randy can come back. I could give two shits about Chester.

The thing that’s really messing with my head right now is how everything feels like it’s speeding up. Like we’re all just waiting for the next bad thing to happen and everything in between is just a blur. And the worst part? I keep forgetting about the world outside these walls. Jimmy and Tony. Rent. The debts. The total shitshow of a life I left behind.

It’s like that world no longer exists in this crazy place, but it for damn sure hasn’t forgotten about me… and that has me worried about the day we have to leave here.

Then again, everyone who's left already has been taken out on a stretcher... seems like I might be fucked either way.
​
—Jake

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