ENTRY 14: THE DENTIST AND THE DREAM

I’m back in my room. It’s almost midnight.

I’ve been sitting here for a while just staring at the laptop screen. My jaw still hurts, but it feels different now. Like the pain is coming from somewhere deeper than just the tooth. I keep touching the side of my face without thinking about it. The gauze they gave me is still in my mouth and it tastes like blood and chemicals.

I don’t feel right.

I’ve been messed up before. I’ve had nights where I drank too much or lost too much money and woke up hating myself. This is different. It’s like something besides my tooth got pulled out of me in that chair and something else got put in its place. I don’t know what it is yet. I just know I’m not the same guy who got woken up this morning.

I keep thinking about what happened. Not all at once. Pieces of it keep flashing in my head and then disappearing before I can grab onto them. I don’t even know how to write about it yet. I don’t know if I should.

But I have to put something down. If I don’t, I’m scared I’ll start forgetting the important parts. And I have a feeling I’m gonna need to remember.

I’m gonna try to write this shit out, Dr. Nelson. I don’t know how much sense it’s gonna make. I don’t even know if it was real. But it happened. And I need to get it out of my head before it eats a hole through me.

The alarm sounded this morning and almost immediately someone was pounding on my door.

“Jake,” a voice said from the other side. It was Dr. Waters. “Get dressed. Dr. Nelson arranged for you to see the dentist this morning.”

I didn’t answer right away. I just sat there rubbing my face, trying to wake up.

“Jake,” he said again, louder this time.

“Yeah,” I called back. “I’m up.”

I threw on my scrubs and opened the door. Waters was standing there with two security guards behind him. He looked like he hadn’t slept much either. His eyes were bloodshot and he smelled like he might have drunk pretty late last night.

He let me go take a piss and brush my teeth and then we started walking down the hallway. The lights were too bright. My jaw was already starting to throb again.

“Thanks for setting this up,” I said after a minute, trying to sound decent. “Nelson didn’t have to do that.”

Waters didn’t look at me. He just kept walking.

“Yeah, well. He’s been on edge lately. Keeps saying we need to keep everyone functioning.” He let out a short breath. “Between you and me, I think he’s just tired of hearing people bitch.”

I nodded like I was on his side.

“Must be a lot of pressure running this place,” I said. “Especially with everything that’s been going on.”

Waters glanced at me, then looked forward again.

“You have no idea,” he muttered. “We don’t normally test shit we know nothing about.”

He stopped talking suddenly, realizing he might have said too much.

I stayed quiet for a second, letting that sit. Then I said, “Sounds like you got a lot on your plate.”

Waters didn’t answer right away. He just kept rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “Something like that.”

We didn’t talk much after that. I could tell he regretted saying as much as he did. I didn’t push it. I just walked next to him and kept my mouth shut the rest of the way.

We stopped in front of a door I hadn’t seen before. Waters knocked once and opened it without waiting for an answer.

The room was small and looked like they threw it together in a hurry. There was an old medical chair in the middle with a bright lamp hanging over it. A tray of tools sat on a rolling cart next to it, and the whole place smelled like disinfectant and something metallic.

Sitting on a stool by the chair was the dentist. He looked up when we walked in. Middle-aged guy, curly hair that was starting to thin on top, thick glasses. He was already sweating a little even though the room wasn’t that warm. His hands were resting on his knees like he didn’t know what to do with them.

“Jake McCoy?” he asked. His voice was higher than I expected.

“Yeah,” I said.

He nodded a little too fast and stood up, almost knocking the tray with his elbow. He caught it at the last second and gave a nervous laugh that didn’t sound right.

“Okay. Alright. Just, uh… just have a seat and we’ll get started.”

I looked at Waters and asked, “Am I gonna be okay here?” He didn’t say anything, just gave me a look that said I was on my own now. Then he stepped back into the hallway with the two guards and closed the door behind him.

I walked over to the chair and sat down. The dentist kept fidgeting with the tools on the tray, picking them up and putting them back down like he couldn’t remember what order they went in.

He looked scared to even be in the room.

I didn’t say anything. I just watched him for a second while he got the gas ready. My jaw was already throbbing and I just wanted to get this over with, but something about how nervous he was made my stomach feel tight.

He finally turned to me with the mask in his hand and tried to smile.

“Alright,” he said. “Just breathe normal. This’ll be over before you know it.”

I didn’t believe him.

The dentist put the mask over my face.

“Just breathe normal,” he said. His voice sounded far away already.

I took a breath. Then another. The room started to feel distant. My arms got heavy. I tried to keep my eyes open but they kept drifting shut.

The last thing I remember was the dentist looking down at me with those thick glasses, sweat on his forehead, like he was more scared than I was.

Then everything went black.

When the lights came back on, I wasn’t in the dentist chair anymore.

I was sitting in a different chair in a different room. Same kind of bright lights overhead, but colder. I was in some kind of uniform, not the scrubs from the trial, something older. Military. The fabric felt stiff against my skin.

There were two men in white coats standing in front of me. One of them was holding a clipboard. The other had a syringe.

“You’re doing this for your country,” the one with the clipboard said. His voice was calm, like he’d said it a hundred times before. “This is important work. You understand that, don’t you, soldier?”

I tried to answer but my mouth felt slow.

The one with the syringe stepped forward and grabbed my arm without asking. I felt the needle go in. It burned.

“Just relax,” he said. “This’ll help you see things more clearly.”

I sat there a few minutes studying the men in front of me. They looked familiar, but I’d never seen them before.

Then I laughed. I don’t know why. It just came out. Then I couldn’t stop. My chest started shaking and the sound coming out of me didn’t even sound like my voice anymore.

Then the room started to move.

The walls weren’t staying straight. They were bending inward, like something was pushing on them from the other side. Colors started bleeding out of the corners, reds and greens all started swirling together and dancing. I looked down at my hands and they looked too long. My fingers were stretching longer and longer.

One of the doctors leaned in close.

“Tell us what you see,” he said.

I tried to speak but my teeth were grinding together so hard my jaw hurt. I couldn’t make the words come out right.

The other doctor wrote something down on his clipboard.

“He’s resisting,” he said, like I wasn’t even there. “Increase the dose.”

I wanted to tell them to stop. I wanted to tell them something was wrong. But when I opened my mouth, all that came out was more laughing.

And then I saw something forming behind them.

It was tall. Too tall. Its skin was moving like it was made of smoke. It smiled at me with too many teeth.

I stopped laughing.

The thing behind the doctors took another step forward.

Its smile stretched wider than any mouth should go. I tried to move but my body felt like it was sinking into the chair. The colors were bleeding everywhere now. I could hear myself laughing again even though I wasn’t trying to. My jaw hurt from grinding my teeth so hard.

Then everything cut to black.

When the lights came back, I was in a car.

The seat felt too big. My feet didn’t touch the floor. I looked down and saw small hands resting on my legs. Kid hands. I was wearing a jacket that was too warm for the car.

I turned and saw my father behind the wheel.

John McCoy. Dark brown hair slicked back with that sharp widow’s peak. His icy blue eyes stayed on the road, but his jaw was tight. One hand gripped the steering wheel. We were driving through New Hampshire. Trees with no leaves on them were on both sides of the road with patches of snow still on the ground.

He didn’t look at me when he spoke.

“You gonna tell me why you did it?” he asked. His voice was low and even, but I could hear the anger underneath it. “Or you just gonna sit there like a little thief?”

My stomach dropped. I stared at my hands.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“You don’t know,” he repeated. “You stole twenty dollars out of my coat pocket and you don’t know why.”

I felt my face get hot. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but my eyes were burning anyway.

“I just… I wanted to buy something,” I said quietly.

Dad let out a long sigh. He still didn’t look at me.

“You wanted to buy something,” he said. “So you took from me. From your own father.” He shook his head once. “I’m disappointed in you, Jake. Real disappointed.”

That hurt worse than if he’d yelled. I kept my head down and stared at the floor mat. I could feel tears starting and I hated it. I didn’t want him to see.

He drove for a while without saying anything else. The only sound was the tires on the road and the heater blowing.

After a minute, he spoke again, quieter this time.

“You’re better than that,” he said. “Or at least I thought you were.”

I didn’t answer. I just kept looking at the floor, trying not to let the tears fall.

He opened his mouth to say something else--

Then the car, the road, and everything else disappeared.

I found myself standing in a narrow metal corridor.

The air felt wrong, like it was too thin and clean. I looked down and saw I was wearing some kind of armor, fitted close to my body, with plates that moved when I did. It felt natural, like I’d worn it a thousand times before. There was an oddly shaped rifle in my hands. I didn’t remember picking it up, but I knew how to hold it. It didn’t look like any weapon I’d seen before.

A voice came through the device in my ear. It was a language I’d ever heard spoken before, but I understood it perfectly.

“Raydic. You with me?”

I turned my head.

A woman in the same armor stood next to me. Blonde hair tied back tight. Her eyes were glowing green, not reflecting light, actually glowing, like something inside them was lit from within. She was watching me carefully.

“Alandra,” I said. The name came out before I could stop it.

She tilted her head slightly.

“You’ve been quiet since we boarded. You good?”

I tried to answer, but my brain felt like it was moving slower than my mouth.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Just… trying to figure this out.”

She studied me for a second, then nodded once.

“Stay sharp. This is supposed to be clean. In and out. By the book.”

I had no idea what book she was talking about.

We were moving through some kind of shuttle toward a massive structure floating above a planet that looked old and alien. My vision suddenly stretched. Everything slowed down. I could see the air moving. I could feel the long seconds between each heartbeat.

Then it snapped back so fast it made my stomach turn.

Alandra’s head whipped toward me.

“Raydic.” Her voice was sharp through the comms. “You just phased. What’s going on with you?”

“I’m fine,” I said again.

She stepped closer gazed intently into my eyes. I felt a strange pressure in my head, like she was checking something inside me.

“Your temporal field is all over the place,” she said quietly. “You’re not synching right. Did you take something before we left?”

Before I could answer, everything slowed down again. This time it was worse. I watched her mouth move in slow motion. I could see every detail of her face stretching out over seconds.

Then it snapped back.

Alandra grabbed my arm.

“Raydic, talk to me. What the hell is happening to you?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

Then everything cut out and I was in the dark.

When the lights came back, I was strapped to a chair again with the two doctors.

One of the doctors leaned in closer. He had a clipboard in his hand and a pen tucked behind his ear. He looked calm, like this was just another day at work.

“Subject is responding,” he said. “Private First Class Thomas Reilly. Can you hear me?”

I blinked a few times. My name didn’t sound right when he said it.

“Thomas,” he said again, slower this time. “Who is the current President of the United States?”

I tried to think. The name was right there, but it kept slipping away every time I reached for it.

“Kennedy,” I said. My voice sounded thick and far away.

The doctor wrote something down.

“And where are you from, Private Reilly?”

“Boston,” I answered automatically. The words came out before I even thought about it.

The other doctor, the one who had given me the second shot, stepped forward. He was younger and looked more nervous than the first one.

“That’s not right. Says he’s from El Paso, Texas. Ask him about his unit,” he said quietly.

The first doctor nodded.

“Private Reilly,” he said, “what unit are you assigned to?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I didn’t know. I could feel the answer sitting somewhere in the back of my mind, but it wouldn’t come forward. My head started to hurt.

“I… I don’t know,” I said.

The doctor with the clipboard didn’t react. He just wrote something else down.

“Subject is experiencing memory fragmentation,” he said calmly. “Increase the dosage by ten milligrams.”

The younger doctor hesitated for a second, then reached for the syringe again.

I felt the needle go into my arm. This one burned worse than the first one. My whole body tensed up against the restraints.

The first doctor leaned in again, his face closer than before.

“Thomas,” he said. “I need you to focus. Who is the President?”

My vision started to shake. The white walls around me weren’t still anymore. They were breathing, slowly expanding and contracting like they were alive.

I tried to answer, but my teeth were grinding together so hard I could hear it inside my head.

The pain in my jaw was getting worse.

Then everything went black again.

When I opened my eyes, I was back in the car.

My father was still driving. One hand on the wheel, the other resting on the gear shift. His face looked the same as it always did when he was angry, tight jaw, eyes straight ahead.

I don’t know why I said it. The words just came out.

“You do bad things too.”

John’s hand tightened on the steering wheel, but he didn’t look at me right away.

I kept going, my voice smaller than I wanted it to be.

“I heard Mama tell Grandma you hurt people for money.”

The car was quiet for a long time.

Finally, my father let out a slow breath. His shoulders dropped a little. He didn’t look angry anymore.

He just looked tired.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I do.”

He still didn’t look at me. He kept his eyes on the road.

“I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, kid. Some of them I had to do. Some of them I chose. Doesn’t really matter now. What matters is that you don’t end up like me.”

He shifted gears and kept talking, his voice lower than before.

“You got a chance to be different. Don’t waste it trying to prove something to people who don’t give a shit about you. And don’t think stealing or lying is gonna make your life better. It doesn’t. It just makes you weak and easier for others to control.”

He finally glanced over at me for a second.

“You hear me?”

I nodded, even though I didn’t fully understand what he was saying yet.

John looked back at the road.

Then everything cut out.

When the lights came back, I was back on the shuttle.

Alandra was standing right in front of me, one hand still on my armor. The green glow in her eyes looked brighter than before.

“Raydic,” she said again, sharper this time. “You phased out for almost ten seconds. You’re lucky we’re not on the ground yet.”

I blinked hard, trying to shake the feeling that I’d just been somewhere else entirely. My head was pounding.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

She studied me for a second, then let go of my armor and stepped back.

“You’ve never done this before,” she said. “Not once since training. Something’s wrong with your field. If you can’t lock it down, I’m pulling you from the drop. I’m not risking the whole team because you can’t hold it together.”

Before I could answer, the shuttle shuddered and started to slow down. A low alarm went off somewhere above us.

Alandra glanced toward the front of the shuttle, then back at me.

“We’re thirty seconds from the drop zone,” she said. “This is your last chance. Either you get your shit straight, or I’m calling it in. Understand?”

I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure I could actually control whatever was happening to me.

She held my gaze for another second, then turned and faced the door like the conversation was over. But I could tell she was still watching me out of the corner of her eye.

The shuttle kept slowing down. I could feel the change in pressure as we got closer to whatever moon we were about to land on. My hands were sweating inside my gloves.

Alandra spoke without looking at me.

“Get your helmet on,” she said quietly while placing hers on. “You better get this right. We have one shot at this.”

The alarm above us changed tone.

“Drop in ten,” a voice said over the comms.

Alandra tightened her grip on her weapon and stared straight ahead.

I stood there next to her, heart beating out of my chest, trying to keep my breathing steady.

And I could already feel it happening again.

Everything was starting to slow down.

Alandra’s voice was the last thing I heard before everything faded to black.

“Raydic, stay with me—”

When I could see again, I was back in the white room.

The straps were tighter this time. My arms and legs were completely locked down. My jaw felt like it was on fire. I could taste blood in my mouth and my head was pounding so hard I could barely think.
The older doctor was standing over me with another syringe. The younger one looked nervous again.

“He’s deteriorating fast,” the younger one said. “His heart rate is all over the place.”

The older doctor didn’t look concerned. He just checked something on the clipboard.

“These tests are necessary,” he said calmly. “The information we gain from these men will protect this country for decades. A few broken soldiers are an acceptable loss.”

He leaned over me.

“Private Reilly,” he said. “Can you still hear me?”

I tried to speak but my tongue felt too big for my mouth.

The doctor nodded like that was answer enough.

“Administer the final dose,” he told the younger one. “We need to see how far we can push the threshold before collapse.”

The needle went into my arm again.

This time it felt like liquid fire moving through my veins. My back arched hard against the chair. My vision exploded into colors I didn’t have names for. I could hear myself screaming, but it sounded far away.

The older doctor’s voice cut through the noise.

“Subject is experiencing total sensory breakdown. Note the time.”

My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to tear itself apart. The room was gone. There was only pain and noise and something inside my skull that felt like it was cracking open.

Then everything stopped.

My body went limp. The screaming in my head went quiet. For a second, I felt almost peaceful.

The last thing I heard was the younger doctor’s voice, small and scared.

“…He’s gone.”

The older one sighed and wrote something down.

“Mark it. Subject Thomas Reilly. Time of death: 14:37. Another unfortunate reaction to the compound. Prepare the next one.”

Everything went black.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in the car.

My father was driving. The same stretch of New Hampshire road.

He looked older somehow. Tired in a way I hadn’t noticed before.

He kept his eyes on the road when he spoke.

“I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of,” he said quietly. “Some I had to. Some I chose. And I know you’ve seen enough to understand that by now.”

I didn’t say anything. I just listened.

John shifted gears and kept talking.

“But you don’t have to follow the same road I did. That’s the only thing I want you to take from me. You can be better than this. You can choose different things. And if you ever feel like you’re too far gone… remember that it’s never too late to turn it around. That’s the greatest secret to everything. You can forget the past and start new in the moment.”

He glanced over at me, his icy blue eyes softer than I’d ever seen them.

“An old man once told me something when I was about your age. He said, ‘The road you walk is the only one that matters. Make sure it leads somewhere worth dying for.’"

He looked back at the road.

“I didn’t listen to him. But maybe you will.”

Everything went black again.

When the light returned, I was falling.

The shuttle door was open and I was dropping fast toward the surface of the moon. Alandra was somewhere ahead of me, but I couldn’t see her clearly. My vision kept stretching and snapping back. My attention was scattered in every direction.

“Raydic, slow down!” her voice crackled in my helmet. “You’re phasing too hard!”

I tried to control it, but I couldn’t. Every time I blinked, the world either slowed to a crawl or jumped forward so fast I couldn’t keep up. I saw the ground rushing up, then slowing down, then rushing up again.

My body moved without my permission. I fired my weapon at the wrong time. The shot went wide and hit something it shouldn’t have.

Alarms started blaring in my helmet.

“Mission compromised!” someone shouted over the comms. “All units, abort—!”

It was too late.

I watched in horror as time fractured around me. I saw Alandra’s body get torn apart in slow motion, then fast-forwarded so quickly I almost missed it. I saw the rest of the team get cut down by enemy fire that I had accidentally given away our position to.

Everything was spinning out of control. I felt this heavy, sick feeling in my chest, like I just got everyone killed. Like I fucked up so bad there was no coming back from it.

Then a bright white light hit me and everything went black.

For a second, it felt like I was gone.

Then something yanked me back.

My eyes opened slow. The light above me was way too bright and my head was pounding. I was still in the chair. My jaw felt swollen and raw, like someone had taken a hammer to it. For a minute I didn’t even know where the fuck I was. The dreams were still bleeding into my head and I wasn’t sure if I was awake or not.

I blinked a few times and tried to sit up, but my body felt heavy.

Dr. Roberts was standing a few feet away, watching me. He didn’t say anything at first. Just stood there with a blank expression, no concern at all.

I looked around the small room. The dentist was gone. Waters wasn't there. It was just me and Roberts.

“Where’s Dr. Waters?”

“He left many hours ago,” Roberts said.

“What time is it?” I asked.

Roberts shifted his weight. He glanced at the clock on the wall, then back at me.

“Nine fifty-two,” he said quietly.

I stared at him.

“…What?”

He cleared his throat and looked away for a second before answering.

“You’ve been out for almost sixteen hours. We couldn’t wake you up. Dr. Nelson had people checking on you every couple hours. Your vitals were stable, but… you wouldn’t come out of it.”

He stepped forward and held out a small stack of gauze.

“Here. For the bleeding. The dentist said to keep pressure on it for a while.”

I took the gauze without saying anything. My hands still felt disconnected from the rest of me. Everything felt off, like I was moving through water.

Roberts stood there for another second, then nodded toward the door.

“Security’s waiting outside. They’ll walk you back to your room.”

He didn’t offer to help me up. Just turned and opened the door, letting two guards step inside. They didn’t say anything either. One of them just motioned for me to follow.

I stood up slow, biting down on the gauze they gave me. My legs felt weak.

Neither of us said another word.

They escorted me down the long hallway in silence. On the way they fetched me a protein shake and some ibuprofen. By the time we reached my room my head started to clear up and I could almost think straight.

I really don’t understand what the fuck happened to me today.

I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to make sense of it, but I can’t. Those dreams… they didn’t feel like dreams. They felt real. Too real. Like I was actually there, not just seeing it happen in my head.

The one with my dad… I remember that. Not all of it, but pieces. I remember being in that car with him when I was a kid. I remember him catching me stealing money out of his coat. I remember how disappointed he looked. That part wasn’t made up. That actually happened. And whatever else he said to me in that dream… it felt like something I’d forgotten a long time ago but was always supposed to remember.

The other ones though… with the doctors and the needles, and the one where I was in that armor with the blonde girl... those didn’t feel like dreams either. They felt like memories. Like I’d lived them before. And that’s what’s fucking with me the most.

Because if those were just dreams, fine. I can deal with that. But if they weren’t? If some part of me actually experienced that shit… then I don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore.

I’m not gonna be able to look at things the same after this. I can already feel it. Like something got cracked open in my head and now I’m seeing through it whether I want to or not.

Dr. Nelson, you said you wanted to cure Alzheimer’s. Well holy fuck… this is way beyond that. Whatever that drug is doing, it’s not just bringing back old memories.

It’s bringing back shit that doesn’t even belong to this life.

And I don’t know what the hell that means right now.

— Jake

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