ENTRY TWELVE

     I am a slight bit fucking vexed right now. The eviction deadline for my apartment is tomorrow and I need to pay my rent, but Dr. Nelson isn’t here. I don’t exactly know how to solve this problem other than maybe ask Doc Nelly to pay it for me when he gets back. I wonder if he’ll do this for me now that we’re pretty much brothers-in-arms in the CIA war. It’s not the apartment that I care too much about anymore, it’s all my stuff contained within. I really like my stuff man. I have this kick-ass set of pots and pans that I won down at Foxwood Casino, and I would hate to lose those. They’re a matching set of high-quality pans and it’s the non-stick porcelain shit too. Also, an eviction is a very bad thing on one’s record. I think having an eviction black mark on my record is the last stop for me being a complete and total loser in the “credit world.” If this happens, I won’t be able to rent an apartment anywhere else for a long time. I already have a disastrously messed up credit as it is, thanks to gambling and the Public-School System. The school curriculum I suffered through was more for jamming my head with French Literature and Algebra than teaching me about consequences. That’s what they need to teach kids these days; Cause and Effect. If you do “this,” then “this” will happen, and cause “this,” and then “this,” and you wind up with fecal impaction and a bitchy wife…  Got it class?
             
     It’s something they instruct with harsh exactness in Sex Ed class, with that whole “Safe Sex” bit, and that cheeseball 70’s video. You know the video I’m talking about? We see the frowning teenage girl sitting at home with the wailing baby in her arms and she’s telling her friends on the phone she can’t come out tonight. Meanwhile, her girlfriends are at an ice-skating rink, giggling, smiling, and just blatantly adoring life. The message of the video is, “Don’t let this be you! Practice SAFE SEX!” Great message. So, why can’t they show another video with a lonely guy, sitting at home, broke as fuck and eating ramen noodles while his friends are skiing in the Swiss Alps, cheering, laughing, and wearing their sparkling Rolex watches? You know, “Don’t let this be you! Pay your fucking bills on time!”

     Well, enough of all that. I’d like to talk about another effect of the Formula 35C.

     It’s very interesting actually. Since I first felt the effects, I have had ghostlike feelings now and then. Normally, I’m sitting or standing somewhere looking at things with my eyes like normal human beings do, and then other times; I’m gazing at myself! The term for this is, “Out-of-Body Experience,” and I get them from time to time. It’s mysterious and makes me wonder a great many things, like am I a spirit, or soul, or some form of intelligent energy trapped in a body? Does this mean that there is a hereafter, or a cycle of rebirth as the great Siddhartha proposed? It confirms that I am, or we as humans are, something way beyond just flesh and blood. This is a startling discovery and brings a certain amount of peace to my thoughts. At the same time, I kind of knew it all along. I’ve felt like I should be amazed at all these new abilities, or powers, or whatever you would like to call them, but honestly, they seem rather natural to me. Almost as if they are inherent in all of us, even without the 35C. It makes sense when you think about it. There do seem to be people out there who have supernatural abilities like psychics, clairvoyants, magicians, and Bill Belichick to name a few.

     In actual truth here, I still have a lot to learn about all of this. Who knows, I could just be tripping balls right now. This whole experience could be nothing more than just a cluster of strange illusions inside the vast and deranged kingdom of meaningless dreams. That’s a horrendous idea to consider, to suddenly wake up and find it’s only day one of the experiment, and I’ve imagined this whole thing up. Visualize this: I’m sitting in the chair, I just got the dose, I pass out for hours and completely conjure up these past 13 days in one quick little nightmare…  How weird and terrible would that be? Just got shudders down my spine on that thought. I am fairly confident that what’s going on here is all real, but I do need to understand what is happening to me at some point.

     Let’s talk about some issues that need to be dealt with. There are multiple problems as far as I can tell.

     The first problem is that Formula 35C is not a natural planet Earth compound, according to Dr. Nelson. This means that I have elements in my body, which are not from this world and could theoretically damage my physical and mental make-up. Or… it could turn me into a superhero which evidence seems to point towards. It would explain the heightened awareness, the boost of intelligence and even the ability to perceive and control energy, possibly even time. The real question is, does the 35C give me the abilities, or does it unlock doors to a place inside myself where these abilities already exist? The reason it's a problem is that there is no telling what’s going to happen to my body or mind, once I am off of this shit. We don’t even know what’s happening when I’m on it. My intuition on this matter steers me to believe that we human beings are profoundly more complicated than we ever imagined.

     Problem two: is the CIA. Ever since the CIA was founded back in the day, there’s been these conspiracy theories about the shit they’re involved with. Something is always up with the CIA if you haven’t noticed. We’re talking about a very covert organization that has constantly had its wrist slapped for doing exceptionally shady shit. If the CIA is running this experiment, and Dr. Nelson says they are, then we know for a positive fact that this whole set-up is about enhancing mind-control. I mean it’s gotta be right? From what I understand, and thanks to Hollywood movies, I know the CIA is always attempting to get control of the mind for some crazy reason. Maybe so they can defend America better by sprucing up their interrogation methods, or… the scary option B, Mass Population Control. It’s probably option B, I would almost call it a sure thing. I can’t quite get a fix on the current Standard Operating Procedure for mass manipulation they have in place, but I’m sure it’s something to do with media and drugs. I’ll stir up that line of research when I get out of here. If I get out of here…

     So, I must figure a way to escape from this project. Something terrible tells me that no one in this experiment was ever meant to get out alive, including the doctors. We don’t know if Michael and Stephanie, (the two that were removed the first day) are out there living normal lives again, or if they were murdered. We don’t actually know what happened to Beth after she was removed, and we don’t know what happened to Ben. We do know that Randy killed himself. We also know that Rudy is just fucking crazy, and, therefore, know nothing about Rudy either, but you get the idea.

     So, if they plan on killing us all, regardless of the results, then that makes escape our only option. There is nothing else that we can do, except to die. Which isn't an option for me because I need a fucking coffee and I'm getting one before anyone murders the mouth that’s going to drink it. So, I have to figure out a breakout, but before I can do that, I need to know how to get off the dope here, without suffering some form of withdrawal that might kill me. Maybe there are no withdrawals. Perhaps I should ask Dr. Nelson to check up on Ben and Beth and the others since they are no longer on the drug and tell me if they’re okay. Then again, they’re probably all dead by now. 

     Lastly for today.

     Jeff has confirmed my suspicions regarding the intentions of his new pack of fools. They are indeed planning on breaking out of here. Unfortunately, not in the way I had originally thought. He hasn’t gotten all the details yet, but he tells me they are planning to bust out of here for one night. I guess so they can go out and get drunk somewhere, and they plan to sneak back in before anyone finds out. Chuck is apparently the mastermind behind it, and Jeff claims it’s going to be very soon, once they do something with the cameras. I knew they were planning something, and I can perhaps use their departure to mask my own. Based on Jeff’s earlier descriptions of them though; I find it hard to believe this crew of mismatched dolts could pull off an efficient enough escape. These people don’t even realize that the CIA is involved... I will have to force an alliance with them if I plan on getting myself and friends out safely as well.

     If I can at least get Dr. Nelson to agree to wean me off the hot sauce this week, I’m looking at a tentative escape for this Friday. That's plenty of time for me to figure something out with the Asshole Squad. Some of my new abilities will be handy for this I’m sure.

     I’ll check back soon.

​     -Jack